- Audre Lorde (via feniceargento)
in roughly two months I’m planning to to move away.
I’m excited! but I’m honestly stressed out of my mind.
The country I’m going to is really far and expensive to fly to, so buying plane tickets now is a heavy pressure game. And the list of things I have to take care of before the flight comes around is really stacked.
and I DON’T KNOW HOW TO DRIVE STILL. I just literally never needed it so I never got around to it. And no one wants to teach anyone to drive (or even owns cars) in San Francisco, and my parents are way too busy back in San Jose. developing a full drivers license in the country I’m going to takes YEARS to earn. If I could just practice enough to PASS the test over here, I could get the rest of the practice I need in due time.
and I have to pack up everything, everything I’ve ever owned here, and say goodbye to all the people and places I’ve spent my whole life with. (I could potentially be gone for 5 years or more). SO CRAZY!
and, there are people who I still love who I’m not involved with any more, who I’d feel so shitty not being able to give a proper goodbye to also, but I guess that’s where my hopes get selfish and unrealistic.
man, I have to somehow get to eat boiling crab/kicking crab before it disappears from my reach for A REALLY LONG TIME.
augh, and I’m applying for a foreign tax number, arranging my visa, getting my shots and prescriptions all filled before I go.. the whole task of finishing everything wakes me want to push the flight date back, but I need to stick to my guns and just get productive. even.. if it means signing up for driving classes.. omg please no
leaving around september 24th. i’m forcing myself to buy the ticket within this next hour, and then it’ll be real. it’ll be real, and I’ll be leaving. I’m going to fly headfirst into a whole new life!
and then if I don’t find a way to finish everything I’ll be so fucked
but then, if I really pull this off, I know I’m going to be spending the whole plane ride crying my damn face off.
that’s one BIG ASS step for YLan, one giant insignificance to everyone else